I’m typing this entry with a well-deserved birthday beer in my hand after a very, very trying day. Overall, my 32nd birthday was incredible– having a new son and being in a beautiful land and all. However, today is the day when parenting got real– and when all the adoption training came in handy– these people know what they’re saying! (little shout out to our social worker!)
Today, the main goal was to acquire our son’s Chinese passport and finalized Chinese adoption papers– success thanks to our representative Bill. As far as the Chinese government is concerned, we’ve got custody of this little guy from here on out. Now, our next hurdle is to present all of this material to the American consulate in Guangzhou in order for them to issue our man his immigration papers–which will take most of next week.
Because we had some extra time on our hands, our guide drove us to Jinci Temple, a beautiful old temple and grounds. A few photos follow below…
Warning- if we invite you over to meet Alexander, you might also be subjected to our home movies!
At Jinci Temple
This tree is more than 3200 years old– making it the third oldest tree in China.
Picturesque Jinci
Before mechanical clocks, towns used drum and bell towers along with water clocks. Most towns had both a drum tower and a bell tower–which announced the opening and closing of the city gates.
Architecture and artwork dating back to the Song dynasty
We spent the afternoon back in our room relaxing. After Brian and Bill left to get a few supplies, Alexander and I managed to get some quality bonding time. Although he’s doing incredibly well, he’s still terrified of new people, and even when Brian or I leave the room for an extended time, he’s somewhat frightened of us by the time we return. I guess you could call it a mixed blessing, but by the time the men returned from their short errand trip, Alexander had decided that I was his caregiver, and that Brian was clearly the devil. We were prepared over and over again by our agency and other adoptive families that this would occur. In the long term, this is a very good thing, because it shows that he’s beginning to form attachments and trust. In the short time, it can be really stressful for both the parent who can’t leave their child’s eyesight (lest they melt down) or for the parent who can’t do anything to make them happy either. One adoptive family told us by the time they reached Guangzhou, the father/husband couldn’t even push the stroller because the kid would flip out. While Alexander isn’t that bad, it’s very clear through his yowling that I’m the lady of the day.
We’ve been pushing through the afternoon and evening despite our little man’s protests, and thanks to our training, are still trying to instill that dad isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Brian strapped the little man in the carrier and did a lot of carry-time along with the evening feedings and diaperings all the while enduring a boatload of crocodile tears and whining.
Brian working his charm on two very small cold shoulders.
Now, our little dragon is finally asleep– thank goodness! We’ve figured out a routine that seems to work (knock on wood), but we’ll see how long it lasts. For any of you adoptive parents reading this (you know who you are!), you’re well aware of how difficult handling sleeping can be with children used to institutionalized care. My heart breaks seeing just how terrified he is that we won’t be there in the morning and how traumatized he is when he wakes up in the night. This, by far, is the toughest undertaking we’ve ever had– but it’s also the most rewarding.
I’ll end this post on a lighthearted note– I was surprised by the staff at our hotel with a lovely birthday cake delivered to our room. Alexander was pitching a fit on the bed while I prepared his bottle (we have to do it out of his eyesight– as soon as he sees it, he goes NUTS. This kid clearly wasn’t being fed enough…) when our doorbell rang with the cake. I felt totally frazzled with kid yowling, bottle in the sink, and someone at the door.
Birthday greetings from the Shanxi Grand Hotel
For several years now, all I’ve ever wished for on my birthday is for the gift of motherhood. I thought to myself as I was juggling a kid in one arm and trying to converse poorly in Mandarin with the room attendant– “Hey, I finally got my wish!”
Happy Birthday, Kathleen!!! So happy you have such a beautiful birthday gift – a son!- and a lovely cake. Hope all continues to go well! We miss you (rolling tanks was not the same without you! We weren’t even sure it was the right week!)
Enjoy!
Susan
Happy Birthday Kathleen, and I am so thrilled that you have your birthday wish.
Much love to you on this special day.
Happy belated birthday Kathleen!
My heart goes out to you & Brian with Alexander’s strangeness and seemingly random loyalties to you. It IS normal. You & Brian will definitely go through many ups & downs in who is the “parent of the hour/day/week/month”, unfortunately.
You’re all going through A LOT right now…Even though the placement is a very exciting & joyous time, these realities of embracing a child who has been denied the regularities of “normal” bonding & nurturing will sneak up on you. It may make you question what in %&$# you were thinking when you signed up for this?
Try and remember that this is a God-led journey. There IS a reason that God chose you & Brian to be entrusted to the care of this little person from across the world. There IS an eternal reason you & Alexander are being joined as a family!
The bonding & adjustments will take time. These little orphans go through SO many inconsistencies in their young lives, it’s something that many of us (who were born in our families) take for granted.
Just being there for him through all of the ups & downs is what he needs right now.
In time, Alexander will realize you two are there for him–to stay…no matter what comes his way.
and that my dears, is the awesome gift of unconditional love—something he hasn’t had the security of knowing yet–but soon WILL because you’ll be the amazing parents God is leading you to be!
Thought I’d also include this inspirational poem that was so helpful to us when we welcomed our little Hannah into our family:
LEGACY OF AN ADOPTED CHILD
(Author Unknown)
Once there were two women
Who never knew each other.
One you do not remember,
The other you call mother.
Two different lives
Shaped to make yours one.
One became your guiding star,
The other became your sun.
The first gave you life
And the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love
And the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality,
The other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent,
The other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions,
The other calmed your fears.
One saw your first sweet smile,
The other dried your tears.
One gave you up –
It was all that she could do.
The other prayed for a child
And God led her straight to you.
And now you ask me
Through your tears,
The age-old question
Through the years:
Heredity or environment
Which are you the product of?
Neither, my darling — neither,
Just two different kinds of love.
Hang in there you guys…you’re doing a great job!
Everyone’s prayers are with you on your journey…and they will sustain you through
the tough times & rejoice with you in the great times…
Love you Lots,
Terri & Dave
What a wonderful surprise!
I have gotten teary eyed more than once while reading your posts – today no exception! What a blessing!!
Parenting Alexander will give you plenty of challenges through the years I’m sure – but glad to hear you’re handling these first ones that head your way as a team! We will pray that tomorrow is a less trying day for all. And Happy Birthday, Kathleen! 🙂 I think 32 will be a pretty good year for you!
Happy Birthday Kathleen! It sounds like an amazing and memorable day. We love hearing all of your stories – the good parts and the difficult times. You two are a wonderful team and wonderful parents.
I love seeing the toys and books that you brought with you scattered around your hotel room…I spy stacking cups!
Good luck with your flight! It’s kind of nice to have a short flight to test the waters before flying home. 🙂
We just love your posts! Yep, Brian can be a little scary, he makes me cry too!! You are both doing a great job and will be such pros by the time you get home. You are in our thoughts and prayers. Happy Birthday, Kathleen! We are so happy you received your birthday wish….now you can wish for a good night’s sleep 🙂
Love and blessings,
Sandy and Greg
In between the Chinese and the Americans, it looks like your little guy is a man without a country. Wow! A week in Guangzhou. But … he’s got you. Have fun.
What a special birthday present you received. What could possibly top this? My heart breaks to think such a precious child has already felt sadness in his young life. You are all so very blessed to have found each other. Thank you so much for the posts.