I’ve been waiting to post this story for a LONG time. Several of you have asked us about stories we didn’t feel comfortable posting during our trip to China. Sure, our trip wasn’t perfect, but we didn’t really have to censor much. However, there was one fairly significant story that we didn’t relate in detail until now… and so I bring to you….
The Pacifier: An Epic Tale
The elusive pacifier
When we first met Alexander, he was happily using the pacifier we had seen before in many, many photographs. I had considered purchasing a few additional pacifiers, but I figured that he’d be using what he came with (if at all), and I didn’t want to encourage using a pacifier if he didn’t show up with anything.
Our first day with Alexander included trying to figure out how he ate. Thanks to some assistance from his nurse and some ingenious thinking, we realized the next morning that he used his pacifier to help form a suction when trying to eat. What nurses considered fussy eating was really our little man trying to close the gap in his lip in order to eat.
We were thrilled! With this new-found knowledge, we were in business. What took the Beijing folks over an hour we could then accomplish in less than 30 minutes! Alexander was happy, we were relieved, and we thought the problem was solved. However, little did we know that our concern was just starting!
A few days into our time with Alexander, we noticed that he was not only sucking on his pacifier, but that he was chewing on it… really hard. We could hear him grinding his teeth when the pacifier wasn’t in, and we could only guess what was happening when he was dampening the sound with the small piece of rubber. As you might guess, one result of our son’s cleft palate is that some of his teeth are rather misaligned, so the sound of teeth on teeth is sadly fairly common in our home. But back to China… when we finally got up the courage to look at his pacifier, our fears came true– he was slowly ripping his pacifier apart! The pacifier had been ripped about a third of the way through, which meant that it was only a matter of days until he ripped it completely off, either accidentally swallowing it or just ruining any chance he had to eat.
This wouldn’t be nearly as terrifying if Alexander hadn’t shown us that he needed the pacifier to eat. We tried experimenting by taking the pacifier away, but he refused to eat without it. Even if we presented a bottle to him without handing him his pacifier first, he would freak out. We knew that we needed to find a replacement stat.
Brian and Bill tried several locations and multiple pacifiers– each time, we’d gingerly hand the pacifier to Alexander and wait nervously. He’d pop it into his mouth– you could see him trying it out… then he’d eject it with a frown. Not the right one! After several days of unsuccessful pacifier hunting, we began to give up hope. The “funny” part in all of this is that what Alexander’s pacifier was is your run-of-the-mill Nuk variety– nothing special. In China, however, it’s next to impossible to find this brand.
Our guide, just as concerned as we were, took photographs of multiple angles of Alexander’s pacifier and immediately began trying to contact his adoption/consulate friends in Guangzhou (while we were still in Taiyuan). Meanwhile, I posted to multiple China adoption message boards trying to see if anyone who was in-country either in Guangzhou or on their way there might have a Nuk. Within hours, I had over 20 responses from adoptive families, and Bill had heard back from multiple adoption guides. While I just had a few leads, Bill found a woman in Guangzhou with an exact match waiting for us.
As soon as Bill arrived in Guangzhou, he took a cab across the city to pick up the coveted pacifier. He brought what looked like almost the same thing back, and we watched nervously as I handed it to Alexander. He looked at it, paused, and then placed it in his mouth… and it stayed there! We were saved!
Though he continued to chew away on his new pacifier, we figured that we’d have enough time to get back to the USA. We did, and one of the first things we did after returning home was to find some back-up pacifiers. Comically, we must have purchased the wrong size the first time because he spit out the first round we purchased for him here too!
Now that Alexander’s gearing up for surgery, we’re trying to get our little man off the pacifier. I’m spending several hours a day working with him to help his realize that his reliance on the pacifier is more psychological than physical; with enough effort and concentration, he can swallow and clear his throat completely. I ask him to hand me his pacifier, and he hands it over. He promptly starts to bawl, but then he usually can swallow while whining and begging me for the pacifier back.
Thinking backward, it feels like a long time since we were all petrified that our son wouldn’t be able to eat and end up in the hospital on an IV. Now, we’re preparing him for the hospital and asking for his pacifier back….