Getting Geared Up

It only took one trip to a baby superstore to realize that we have absolutely no idea what we actually need for our nursery.  Luckily, we were able to escape the store before the sales associates started circling us like the weak prey that we are. Thanks to some great suggestions, I’ve now made my way through both The Baby Gizmo Guide and Baby Bargains, but I’m still a little unsure of what is essential vs what is “nice to have.” How do you find a price point for items that is somewhere between this razzmatazz and something that should have been recalled last month?

So I call upon you, experienced parents, for your sage wisdom. What are the absolute essentials we need to be hunting down? Do we need a glider? How about a humidifier? Baby’s first espresso maker? We know we need a crib, but do we need the super Optimus Prime edition? (“It’s a hat, or a brooch, or a pterodactyl!”– two points for the knowing that movie quote). Please keep in mind that we’re looking at a child who’s probably at least a year old– I know that already knocks down our punch list of items quite a bit.

Discuss.

Momentum

Most of you know that I have a hard time relaxing; I’m always looking for a new project to keep me busy. One of the most challenging parts of our adoption process for me is dealing with the stretches of time (sometimes quite long) when we just have to sit and wait for paperwork to go through the correct channels. As I type, our adoption application is hopefully sitting somewhere in Springfield where the designated DCFS intercountry adoption coordinator has to put her seal of approval on our packet. We’ve been told that the turnaround time for this is about 2-3 weeks. Until the homestudy comes back with state approval, we just have to sit and wait.

And it seems like forever. Continue reading

The Home Study, or “How I (almost) learned to stop worrying and love the dust”

After we submitted our preliminary application and received the thumbs-up that we were accepted into our agency’s Waiting Child Program, the first bit of reality hit home– the big “H-word.” While the home study process really varies depending on which agency you use, the primary goal is the same– to evaluate a prospective family to make sure they are emotionally stable, to understand motivations for adoption, and to provide education in parenting and adoption-specific topics. Continue reading

A Special Need

When we share that we are adopting through a program that focuses on children designated as “Special Needs” (or SN to those in-the-know), we are often met with lots of questions. I think it’s safe to say that all parents want their children to be healthy, including us.  In the world of adoption, the phrase “special needs” is a very broad term and encompasses conditions ranging from mild, easily correctable conditions to more severe, permanent impairments.  Additionally, some conditions or diseases that are easily treatable in the United States are considered “special needs” in other countries. Some of the most often listed conditions for children in such programs include cleft lip and palate, malformed fingers or toes, and variants of heart disease, but there are also a significant number of children with more severe developmental conditions in need of families.  That’s not to say that any of these conditions are no big deal or won’t involve a fair amount of treatment, therapy, and follow-up.  In short, what might be insurmountable to one family might be completely doable to another.

Many countries who facilitate adoption now have special programs to place children with such needs. We won’t go into the details of why so many of these children are waiting for families, or why adoptive families are understandably hesitant to pursue such a program.  We will say that China has a significant number of children waiting for homes, and while their healthy infant program (NSN or Non Special Needs) is shrinking considerably with adoptive families waiting upwards of six years for referrals, their Waiting Child/SN program is completing adoptions for these children and getting them families and the medical attention they need in less than year!  An additional note about China’s program specifically is that in addition to young children with medical needs, the Waiting Child Program also includes healthy older children, who often fall off the radar of prospective adoptive families.

Any adoptive family will tell you that a child who spends any significant amount of time in what is considered less than optimal care, even if given a clean bill of health, will have some level of special need.  Though it is not something to be considered lightly, a good adoption agency that facilitates international adoption will prepare prospective parents as much as possible, and we will tackle any medical care needs as a family.  Though we were not actively seeking out a program that focused on children with special needs, it didn’t take us long to realize it was a good fit for our family. We believe we have the emotional and physical endurance that will be required, and anyone who has met us knows that we won’t hesitate to be advocates for the needs of our child.  We are also fortunate that there are several international adoption medical clinics in Chicagoland, and they focus on both the medical and developmental challenges that may await us.

In the interest of family privacy and for the privacy of any child’s referral that we review, we won’t be disclosing specific medical details here.  You can be assured that we don’t enter this process blindly– we have our eyes, arms, and hearts wide open.

Let’s start at the very beginning.

Rewind to 2003.  Amid many other life-changing events in both of our lives, one topic that surfaced was our openness to adoption. We knew we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. We knew we wanted a family.  And thanks to a conversation during a very long car ride between Kansas City and Peoria one summer afternoon, we realized that we were both on board and enthusiastic if adoption was a option for our future family.

Fast-forward to 2012. A lot of life can happen in nine years! Job loss, job gains, deaths and births, and lots of medical appointments for us.  After what we considered a reasonable amount of effort, we decided that it was time to turn our hearts to that discussion back in 2003. It was always in the back of our minds, and discerning what type of adoption we were open to was surprisingly easy.

After checking out several agencies, programs, and international regulations, we settled on China’s Waiting Child Program, which is a program directed to find families for children with identified medical or developmental needs. In future posts, we’ll be sharing more of what “special needs” encompasses in the adoption world.

Although we began our adventure in international adoption several months ago, we have quite a long journey in front of us. We invite you to share in our joy, frustration, and wonder as we progress to build our family across a wide sea.