A Day of Firsts

Posted on June 26, 2013 by Kathleen

Today, we decided to jump into life as a family of three. After being holed up in our room all day yesterday following registration, we were more than ready to get some (not so fresh) air, and enjoy the day. We ran into the two other adoptive families at breakfast in the hotel this morning– one of them being the folks I had contacted prior to China, and the other family being a kind young couple from Holland who we met during placement. (It’s amazing how much of a bonding experience it can be when you watch someone meet their long-awaited child for the first time! The four of us sat nervously around in the waiting room on placement day practically jumping out of our seats every time the door opened.)

Although our guide was understandably concerned about taking Alexander out for the day given his feeding needs, we decided that we might as well just go for it. He was incredible during our first family roadtrip to Pingyao, a UNESCO world heritage site. I’ll let you check Wikipedia for the details, but the basics is that the architecture dates back more than 2,500 years and is still occupied by residents. The two of us switched off hauling Alexander in our carrier, and he did great.

View from the temple top– a scary, scary climb when you’ve got a kid strapped to your chest

Checking out the lobby of a local Pingyao hotel

Original architecture

Original wall of Pingyao

We aren’t conspicuous at all!

Beautiful old alleyways

Standing in front of the original bank of China. Yes, for all of China!

Another first we had today was our first “on the fly” changing experience. Believe it or not, in Pingyao, the bathrooms (public and private) aren’t exactly suited for diaper changing. Moreover, in Chinese culture, young children generally don’t wear diapers. The youngest often walk around without pants at all, and children of crawling/walking age wear split pants– yes, they’re exactly what they sound like. We wondered when we met Alexander whether he would arrive with split pants, but the welfare institute put him in diapers for the journey to us. Anyhow… we ended up changing Alexander in the middle of Pingyao on the side of a street with a bit of an audience (two Westerners with a Chinese child with a cleft in diapers… what!?!?!) Let’s just say it was memorable! Luckily, we had our little man almost completely covered up (poor hot thing), so all the local tourists cooed over our son instead of lecturing us in Mandarin in proper child-dressing etiquette.

One thing I was hoping to do was attempt a bit of haggling while shopping. After being given the green light with our guide that it was suitable in the shops we were near, I was successful in knocking down the price of a few items. Alexander was the perfect assistant by beginning to whine during negotiations– anything to get those people out of the store! Thanks, son!

The Kelly men after a long day

El Tigre after a long day in the carrier

All in all, today was a great first family outing. We’re taking every tiny victory- especially when they end with our son smiling!

Showers and manicures

Speaking of Harmony…

Posted on June 25, 2013 by Brian

This morning, after our final official paperwork, we got back to the hotel and have been holed up ever since. We’re planning on doing some touring tomorrow, so the plan has been to get some quality bonding in today. It’s gone mostly well, especially since we’ve figured out The Secret of the Bottle™.

Still, keeping him entertained is a bit of a challenge. We could probably rock him to sleep anytime, but we know that will bite us overnight. After his dinnertime feeding, we decided to give him a bath. He needed it, but it was also just an activity. Afterwards, Kathleen put him in a sleeper and she made the executive decision to throw some music on. I didn’t want too high energy, but something he might at least notice. I queued up Barenaked Ladies’ Gordon, and with just a hint of encouragement from Kathleen, he started bouncing around and waving his arms and smiling.

So yeah, BNL FTW.

Attachment, redux

Posted on June 15, 2013 by Brian

I would like to draw your attention to an older post on this blog, about attachment.

Let’s recap, before we all meet Alexander.

Continue reading →

The Final Countdown

Posted on June 5, 2013 by Kathleen

It’s the final countdown! (*insert music as appropriate*).

Wow, our departure is getting close–we’ll be on a very long flight two weeks from today. Our flights and hotels are booked, we’re installing car seats, and we’re waiting for our passports to be returned to us with China visas. Late last week, we also received our itinerary for our trip. Just in case you’re interested, here’s where we’ll be, and when:

June 19: Wheels up! We fly nonstop to Beijing (about 13 hours of flight time)
June 20: We arrive in Beijing and meet our first guide. We’ll hopefully start to get ourselves on China time (one time zone for the whole country!!!)
June 21 & 22: Tons of touring, including the Great Wall, the Forbidden City, and lots and lots of other places. Families have told us we’ll be exhausted by the end of Beijing, but sounds fantastic!
June 23: We fly from Beijing to Taiyuan, Shanxi Province and meet our in-country agency rep for the remainder of our trip. We’ll want to rest up for our big day.
June 24: Placement Day! We will get custody of Alexander at the Civil Affairs office in the afternoon
June 25: We will return to Civil Affairs with Alexander early in the morning to register his adoption.
June 26: We’ll take our first family outing to Pingyao, an amazing UNESCO world heritage site.
June 27: We pick up Alexander’s passport, notary papers, and take a tour of Taiyuan.
June 28: We fly from Taiyuan to Guangzhou in the late afternoon.
June 29: Alexander’s medical exam
June 30: A day touring Guangzho, the Chen Family Academy, and Yuntai gardens
July 1: More city touring, and visa/medical exam report paperwork pickup
July 2: Our Consulate appointment. Alexander is approved to immigrate to the US.
July 3: Our guide picks up Alexander’s new US passport/visa. More local touring.
July 4: We depart Guangzhou via van for Hong Kong. We fly back to Chicago. With the time zone change and flight times, it looks as though we’ll arrive home in early afternoon and in plenty of time for Independence Day fireworks! We’ll clear US Customs, hand over all of the immigration paperwork we’ve been gathering, and Alexander becomes an American!

Aside from big things (like flights and formal appointments), our schedule is fairly flexible. We can’t wait to explore these cities with our new son!

Special Delivery

Posted on March 25, 2013 by Kathleen

It’s been far too long since Brian has witnessed me have a meltdown at a UPS/FedEx store. Well, it’s about time! Continue reading →

44 pounds

Posted on February 23, 2013 by Kathleen

44 lbs.

No, that is NOT Alexander’s current weight! Our little guy, like many internationally adopted children, is very small for his age. Although he turns one early next month, his measurements and weight are much more in line with a child less than half his age. Though that caused some initial panic from us, our medical team ensured us that he’ll sprout up and fatten out as soon as we get him home and on a more advanced diet. Additionally, because of his medical condition, eating is a much more laborious task.

So back to the 44 lbs! As Brian mentioned in a previous post, we attended our first travel meeting this past week. We focused primarily on the itinerary and logistics of our upcoming trip. We were handed a huge suggested packing list with one caveat– for our several week trip, we can each have only 44 lbs of luggage (based on the luggage restrictions for in-China flights). Yes, 44 lbs is a lot of weight, but that has to include a fair amount of baby gear, enough clothing for at least a few days, and several small gifts for ceremonial gift exchanges with various officials. We also hope to do a fair amount of shopping during our journey to gather some things from Alexander’s home town and province.

Does anyone have any suggestions for packing light and packing smart for international travel? Especially you parents out there– do you have any creative ideas on essentials to include and what to just leave at home? One thing we’ve definitely decided is to bring a soft baby carrier to help with attachment rather than to haul a stroller.

Ideas please!

First Contact

Posted on February 7, 2013 by Kathleen

This past weekend, we got to share our incredibly good news with several friends in the city during an annual Super Bowl party chili fest. Of course, much was discussed regarding our upcoming travel and grand adventure ahead. The big discussion though, was the important conversation about which order Brian should show Alexander the Star Wars films (answer? Read this) and which Star Trek films are essential for a proper upbringing ala STNG.

Equally important to geekifying our child, if not more so, is that we are now able to request updates and send care packages to Alexander. So far, we’ve received one update of photographs and are waiting on a developmental update. As far as care packages are concerned, we have been told to hope for the best but to expect the worst. More explicitly, we are encouraged to send a few photographs of us and a small comfort object in the hopes that their caregivers will share these to begin our bonding before we even meet. However, given the uncertainty of where Alexander is and who is caring for him, we need to be prepared that the package may never reach him, that it may be given to him on placement day, or that anything other than photographs are redistributed.

After a fair amount of agonizing (too soft! too pink! too tacky!), we settled on a small green and white polka dotted security blanket with a soft polar bear attached and a cushy, colorful photo album with Mandarin captions. The security blanket also came with a larger green and white blanket, which we’ll bring with us to China. Ideally, he’ll come to us with a well-worn album of photos and his little blanket. If the blanket doesn’t make it to placement day, perhaps he’ll remember the feel of the blanket or maybe even the texture/color. After seeing all the photos of little Alexander with stuffed toys and colorful clothing, it’s hard to believe that our little care package will be our first contact with our little guy and the first way of showing him how much we love him already.

Better grab a sweater on your way out…

Posted on August 20, 2012 by Kathleen

There’s no avoiding it. We’re going to encounter some major culture shock when we arrive in China. While we’re plowing through paperwork, we’re also trying to learn a little more about cultural practices and etiquette so we can be gracious visitors and better understand the homeland of our child.

I read this article a while back, and I don’t think I can do any better than the author’s explanation of this pervasive trend in institutionalized children. Although I am trying to steel myself for having many well-meaning “advisors” guiding me on how to dress my child, I know that it’ll still be quite the experience. From all the stories I’ve read thus far, I think it’s impossible to avoid at least one comment of “Put some clothing on that child!”

Attachment

Posted on August 7, 2012 by Brian

Picture this: you’ve just spent an exciting and grueling few weeks in a foreign country. You’re bringing home a child who doesn’t know who you are, other than that you are the latest in a long line of people taking care of him. To him, you smell weird, look weird and act weird. He’s not exactly comfortable. After a traumatic trip in a loud fuselage for what’s basically a whole day, you have one unhappy little kid on your hands.

For most parents, a situation like this is certainly difficult, but manageable. Most parents have had the opportunity to develop a bond with their child, and that relationship helps them through tough situations like that long plane ride. For the parents of internationally adopted toddlers, that plane ride is doubly difficult, because the parent-child bond isn’t there yet. The child doesn’t find comfort in or trust the parents. There’s no attachment.