Picture this: you’ve just spent an exciting and grueling few weeks in a foreign country. You’re bringing home a child who doesn’t know who you are, other than that you are the latest in a long line of people taking care of him. To him, you smell weird, look weird and act weird. He’s not exactly comfortable. After a traumatic trip in a loud fuselage for what’s basically a whole day, you have one unhappy little kid on your hands.

For most parents, a situation like this is certainly difficult, but manageable. Most parents have had the opportunity to develop a bond with their child, and that relationship helps them through tough situations like that long plane ride. For the parents of internationally adopted toddlers, that plane ride is doubly difficult, because the parent-child bond isn’t there yet. The child doesn’t find comfort in or trust the parents. There’s no attachment.

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