Attachment

Picture this: you’ve just spent an exciting and grueling few weeks in a foreign country. You’re bringing home a child who doesn’t know who you are, other than that you are the latest in a long line of people taking care of him. To him, you smell weird, look weird and act weird. He’s not exactly comfortable. After a traumatic trip in a loud fuselage for what’s basically a whole day, you have one unhappy little kid on your hands.

For most parents, a situation like this is certainly difficult, but manageable. Most parents have had the opportunity to develop a bond with their child, and that relationship helps them through tough situations like that long plane ride. For the parents of internationally adopted toddlers, that plane ride is doubly difficult, because the parent-child bond isn’t there yet. The child doesn’t find comfort in or trust the parents. There’s no attachment.

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Changing Tables? And advice

So far, we’ve posted mostly big stuff with heady topics (more of that coming!). We want to use this for smaller posts too, like advice on products or must-have baby gear.

In the vein, do we need a full-blown changing table, especially for the 1-to-2-year-old we’ll be bringing home? We were at Buy Buy Baby last night, and several changing tables just looked like a surface with a changing pad affixed to me. What about a 2×4 Expedit from IKEA? I mean, we have three already.

A Special Need

When we share that we are adopting through a program that focuses on children designated as “Special Needs” (or SN to those in-the-know), we are often met with lots of questions. I think it’s safe to say that all parents want their children to be healthy, including us.  In the world of adoption, the phrase “special needs” is a very broad term and encompasses conditions ranging from mild, easily correctable conditions to more severe, permanent impairments.  Additionally, some conditions or diseases that are easily treatable in the United States are considered “special needs” in other countries. Some of the most often listed conditions for children in such programs include cleft lip and palate, malformed fingers or toes, and variants of heart disease, but there are also a significant number of children with more severe developmental conditions in need of families.  That’s not to say that any of these conditions are no big deal or won’t involve a fair amount of treatment, therapy, and follow-up.  In short, what might be insurmountable to one family might be completely doable to another.

Many countries who facilitate adoption now have special programs to place children with such needs. We won’t go into the details of why so many of these children are waiting for families, or why adoptive families are understandably hesitant to pursue such a program.  We will say that China has a significant number of children waiting for homes, and while their healthy infant program (NSN or Non Special Needs) is shrinking considerably with adoptive families waiting upwards of six years for referrals, their Waiting Child/SN program is completing adoptions for these children and getting them families and the medical attention they need in less than year!  An additional note about China’s program specifically is that in addition to young children with medical needs, the Waiting Child Program also includes healthy older children, who often fall off the radar of prospective adoptive families.

Any adoptive family will tell you that a child who spends any significant amount of time in what is considered less than optimal care, even if given a clean bill of health, will have some level of special need.  Though it is not something to be considered lightly, a good adoption agency that facilitates international adoption will prepare prospective parents as much as possible, and we will tackle any medical care needs as a family.  Though we were not actively seeking out a program that focused on children with special needs, it didn’t take us long to realize it was a good fit for our family. We believe we have the emotional and physical endurance that will be required, and anyone who has met us knows that we won’t hesitate to be advocates for the needs of our child.  We are also fortunate that there are several international adoption medical clinics in Chicagoland, and they focus on both the medical and developmental challenges that may await us.

In the interest of family privacy and for the privacy of any child’s referral that we review, we won’t be disclosing specific medical details here.  You can be assured that we don’t enter this process blindly– we have our eyes, arms, and hearts wide open.