Nesting 101

This is a post for all the ladies out there.

Nesting. Wow, even though it’s the subject of many a jokes (and websites!), it’s a scary, scary, fact. There’s a strange maternal nesting instinct that kicks in at some point that screams to fill your chest freezer, knit baby booties, and make sweeping, unrealistic long-term plans.

I present Exhibit A  (aka Last Sunday’s decision to make “a little extra for dinner”)

Must. Fill. Freezer. Must. Bake. Stuffed Shells.

I’m sure all you ladies out there who have experienced pregnancy before or who are pregnant now know the cruel, cruel power of nesting. One day, you’re sitting peacefully and enjoying life. The next day, you feel a burning urge to start baking and freezing, canning and freeze-drying rations like you’re Carolyn Ingalls from Little House on the Prairie. Your husband just stares at you cluelessly, and offers only the input, “Well, if you’re gonna make muffins, can you put chocolate chips in them?”

Though I don’t think it’s a horrible thing to experience, I didn’t expect it to impact me as much as it has as an adoptive mom-to-be. The big negative here? Since we still don’t have a firm date of when we’ll be bringing our child home, I spend a good chunk of my nesting energy telling Brian “I feel antsy!” This is Kathleen-speak for “I know I should be doing something to ensure that my child will never run out of frozen dinners, but I don’t know enough details to make a reasonable estimate!”  Still, I’ve managed to put several meals into the freezer, which will at the very least provide for some easy go-to meals during the holiday season.

Moms (and dads) of all ages and folks who know exactly what I’m talking about, please spill your nesting stories. You KNOW you have them. Just how many quarts of vegetable soup did you freeze??? And this would also be a great time to pass along your best freeze-and-go recipes. On your mark, get set….. Share!

 

Character Building

Amid everything else going on in our lives, I’ve added a new hobby. I briefly mentioned it in my Portland post, but now I’m officially fascinated with the Chinese language.  Brian and I would both really like to become more familiar with the Chinese language, both written and spoken– this is an incredibly overwhelming task considering neither of us knows a lick of Chinese (Mandarin or Cantonese). Because we don’t know what provinces we’ll be traveling to until we accept a referral, I’m hedging my bets and starting with Mandarin. Continue reading

Roots

Pardon our recent bit of radio silence, as we just returned from a whirlwind trip to Pittsburgh to see my dad married off in style. During the past few days, Brian and I have had the joy of reconnecting with much of my family we don’t see very often. Part of that included getting to share our plans to adopt a child.

Something I find really notable about sharing our own adoption story is that it seems almost everyone knows of someone whose life has been impacted by adoption.  I look forward to our own journey being added to this collection of stories of love, hope, and eager anticipation, and that it might open someone else’s heart to the idea of adoption.

One thing that stood out this weekend though was my own realization of how excited I am to share my own childhood experiences and cultural traditions with our child. We are trying very hard to better understand our child’s ethnic heritage, but this weekend was a nice reminder of all the traditions, memories, and experiences we’ll be able to introduce to him or her– the wonder of a Pittsburgh wedding cookie table, the delight of polka-ing with family, hearing about family outings to Kennywood, the Strip, and countless casual references to perogies (I stopped counting at 10…).

Who knows if they’ll ever want or be able to ride the Thunderbolt some day, but if I can (almost) teach Brian to polka, I can teach anyone!

 

The cookie table is an essential part of any Pittsburgh wedding. This photo is from our wedding in 2005– compliments of the baking expertise of my extended family.  Son or daughter, wherever you are out there, I hope you like cookies. And dancing.

As far as updates go, our paperwork is still stuck in Springfield (insert sad trombone sound here), but we’ve been given the green light to gather our final documentation for our dossier.

 

 

Better grab a sweater on your way out…

There’s no avoiding it. We’re going to encounter some major culture shock when we arrive in China. While we’re plowing through paperwork, we’re also trying to learn a little more about cultural practices and etiquette so we can be gracious visitors and better understand the homeland of our child.

I read this article a while back, and I don’t think I can do any better than the author’s explanation of this pervasive trend in institutionalized children. Although I am trying to steel myself for having many well-meaning “advisors” guiding me on how to dress my child, I know that it’ll still be quite the experience. From all the stories I’ve read thus far, I think it’s impossible to avoid at least one comment of “Put some clothing on that child!”

 

Attachment

Picture this: you’ve just spent an exciting and grueling few weeks in a foreign country. You’re bringing home a child who doesn’t know who you are, other than that you are the latest in a long line of people taking care of him. To him, you smell weird, look weird and act weird. He’s not exactly comfortable. After a traumatic trip in a loud fuselage for what’s basically a whole day, you have one unhappy little kid on your hands.

For most parents, a situation like this is certainly difficult, but manageable. Most parents have had the opportunity to develop a bond with their child, and that relationship helps them through tough situations like that long plane ride. For the parents of internationally adopted toddlers, that plane ride is doubly difficult, because the parent-child bond isn’t there yet. The child doesn’t find comfort in or trust the parents. There’s no attachment.

Continue reading

A Special Need

When we share that we are adopting through a program that focuses on children designated as “Special Needs” (or SN to those in-the-know), we are often met with lots of questions. I think it’s safe to say that all parents want their children to be healthy, including us.  In the world of adoption, the phrase “special needs” is a very broad term and encompasses conditions ranging from mild, easily correctable conditions to more severe, permanent impairments.  Additionally, some conditions or diseases that are easily treatable in the United States are considered “special needs” in other countries. Some of the most often listed conditions for children in such programs include cleft lip and palate, malformed fingers or toes, and variants of heart disease, but there are also a significant number of children with more severe developmental conditions in need of families.  That’s not to say that any of these conditions are no big deal or won’t involve a fair amount of treatment, therapy, and follow-up.  In short, what might be insurmountable to one family might be completely doable to another.

Many countries who facilitate adoption now have special programs to place children with such needs. We won’t go into the details of why so many of these children are waiting for families, or why adoptive families are understandably hesitant to pursue such a program.  We will say that China has a significant number of children waiting for homes, and while their healthy infant program (NSN or Non Special Needs) is shrinking considerably with adoptive families waiting upwards of six years for referrals, their Waiting Child/SN program is completing adoptions for these children and getting them families and the medical attention they need in less than year!  An additional note about China’s program specifically is that in addition to young children with medical needs, the Waiting Child Program also includes healthy older children, who often fall off the radar of prospective adoptive families.

Any adoptive family will tell you that a child who spends any significant amount of time in what is considered less than optimal care, even if given a clean bill of health, will have some level of special need.  Though it is not something to be considered lightly, a good adoption agency that facilitates international adoption will prepare prospective parents as much as possible, and we will tackle any medical care needs as a family.  Though we were not actively seeking out a program that focused on children with special needs, it didn’t take us long to realize it was a good fit for our family. We believe we have the emotional and physical endurance that will be required, and anyone who has met us knows that we won’t hesitate to be advocates for the needs of our child.  We are also fortunate that there are several international adoption medical clinics in Chicagoland, and they focus on both the medical and developmental challenges that may await us.

In the interest of family privacy and for the privacy of any child’s referral that we review, we won’t be disclosing specific medical details here.  You can be assured that we don’t enter this process blindly– we have our eyes, arms, and hearts wide open.