We’re up bright and early for our appointment at the US Consulate for Alexander’s immigration appointment. We hope they don’t ask him any difficult US History questions– his response to our last question “Who was the 13th President?” resulted in the answer of “La..laaaaaa” Millard Filmore, but we’ll give you partial credit for cuteness!
Proudly sporting his Team USA outfit.
Have you all had your fill of adorable Alexander photos yet? I should hope not! I’m going to take a brief break from the cuteness, however, to list some of the most.. let’s say… “unusual” things about our travels thus far. So in no particular order…..
Ketchup, coming right up!– When in Taiyuan, we ordered pizza one night for room service (go ahead and make your sweeping judgements, folks! The Kellys were in China and ordered pizza.) However, the room service menu included such delicacies as “spiced donkey meat.” No joke. Brian sorta wanted to order it just so we could say, “Hey, this tastes like a*&.” But no, no donkey was ordered. What DID show up with just about every order of “western food” was a bowl of ketchup. You know, for dipping.. or something. Pizza, ketchup. Sandwich, ketchup. It was comical by the end of our stay in Taiyuan, but it did make me think that Dad Kelly would feel right at home here!
Soda, beer, same prices here!– This we figured out pretty quickly, and it has been a most welcoming surprise. Back home, order a soda, and it will cost you maybe $2. Order a beer, and it’s $5+ (except for you lucky folks in Portland!) Here, soda and beer prices are pretty much the same. We purchased a few local Pearl River brewery beers for our room, and each 600ml bottle was 6 RMB– roughly $1. Soda prices are about the same, ranging from $0.50-$1.00. Similarly, when we were in Pingyao, Brian purchased a large bottle of water from a street vendor. It was cold, and it cost 2 RMB– almost $0.35! Crazy!
Check the prices!— I was a little surprised when we checked into our hotel in Beijing to see all the little niceties included in our room– hotel slippers (replaced each day), bathrobes, toothbrushes, combs, you name it! However, the coffee pot came with a little sign “10 RMB.” Similarly, a very pretty tea set was next to several canisters of tea, each clearly labeled with appropriate pricing. There was free tea in a different part of our room– just no coffee. We learned ahead of time to bring Via packets, and we’ve been happily caffeinated the whole trip. The same thing for water– it’s standard to get two free bottles of water in your room each day, but there’s usually a bevy of others all with price tags. I’m including a photo of my most recent hotel add-on (which we still haven’t caved on yet)– the Victory teddy bear. This little guy is placed dangerously on the bed every day with his little price tag– I jokingly tell Alexander to avert his eyes! That bear is NOT coming home with us!
The Victory Hotel bear of guilt– we’re not buying you!
Emergency smoke masks– these have been in each hotel room and continue to freak me out.
Hats with Ears, and other fashions— Wow, Chinese fashion is something else. I can’t believe the number of stilettos and really high platform shoes. Today, Brian pointed out an adult woman wearing a straw hat, complete with cat ears. Women’s fashion is definitely wilder than men’s, but in all cases, the English phrases we’ve seen on t-shirts have been pretty funny. Last night, I saw a gentleman wearing a t-shirt emblazoned with a large star of David and the words “Kung Fu Panda.” I’m still not sure what that’s supposed to mean…
Chinese Grandmas– This almost deserves its own entire post, but I’ll at least give you a teaser here. We were warned numerous times about the “League of Chinese Grandmas.” These women, all well-intentioned, are the surpreme arbiters of children’s attire and have a sixth sense for when exposed baby leg is in a 20 meter proximity. Walk anywhere with your child, and out of no where, gaggles of grandmas will suddenly pounce on you and begin to inspect your choices for your child’s clothing, exposed skin, and general ability to parent (kidding about the last one!) When we were in Taiyuan, we got several “drive-bys” where elderly women were clearly staring, inspecting, and judging. In most cases, my feeble attempt to pull my sweating son’s pants further down his legs and hiking up his socks in the ladies’ presence earned a nod,and we were on our way. At Jinci Temple, one elderly woman began her review from far away, and gradually got closer, finally noticing the huge sun hat we had completely pulled over our sleeping son’s head. She actually gave me a thumb’s up and a big smile– parenting gold for the adoption world! That, of course was negated 5 minutes later when another grandma grabbed at Alexander’s exposed 1 inch of calf and began instructing Brian (in Mandarin or Jin?) about why we were ruining our child’s chance for future success by allowing skin to show. I say this all tongue-in-cheek though, as overall we’ve received many more smiles than lectures from the League. Still, I’ll be happy when we’re back in the USA, and a stranger grabbing your child’s leg is reason for prosecution, not pedagogy.
Because you’ve patiently read through this entire post, I’ll close with this morning’s adorable Alexander photo– he and Brian are posing before we attended our first Mass in Cantonese– no air conditioning in the church, more than 90 degrees outside, and an incredibly long homily. If Alexander could survive that, he can do anything!
The Kelly men before Mass this morning.
As promised, I figured I’d post a few pictures from yesterday’s day of travel from Taiyuan to Guangzhou.
Waving goodbye to his home province of Shanxi
Relaxing on the airplane. This kid loves to travel (so far…)
He passed out before we landed. We had to wake him up to get off the plane. Our guide Bill is next to me laughing.
Van ride to Guangzhou
Now, we’re relaxing a bit in the room after lunch and some exploration of Shamian Island– which is sort of “adoption island” in Guangzhou. It’s a beautiful day, sunny with clouds and is well shaded by big trees– such a relief after Taiyuan, a dusty and gray place. Shamian Island is very popular with the locals and with fashion magazines– I can’t tell you how many photo shoots we passed during our walk.
We had Alexander’s medical appointment earlier this morning, which went surprisingly well. Bill, our guide, has been assisting families for over 17 years now, and so he knows how to get there before the crowds. We were in and out– having seen three medical personnel in less than an hour. By the time we were on our way out the door, the clinic was jammed was families–way to go, Bill! No surprising diagnosis for our little man– cleft lip/palate and significant malnutrition. We’re working on the second one as much as possible. For those of you interested in where our guy is developmentally– he’s solidly in 6 month clothing. As some of you noted, he’s able to sit up by himself, but we have to bring him to a sitting position. He is dying to scoot and crawl, but his legs are too weak, so he just sorta sits and howls. The clinic doctor recommended working on leg exercises, so we’re already giving him a workout. He can vocalize, but because of his cleft, it mostly sounds like “La.” One “la”– he doesn’t hate you. Two “la’s”– Hey, look at me. Continuous “la’s”– Why can’t you parents understand me? I’m clearly trying to communicate something important here!
Brian just commented on how spacious our room is here in Guangzhou– compared to Taiyuan, where the pollution made it almost unbearable to be outside, our much larger room in a tropical city makes it almost feel like paradise– with a headstrong little kid, but still.
Tonight, we’re planning on expanding Alexander’s traveling experience with an evening cruise on the Pearl River. He likes the land and sky, so we’ll have to see what he thinks about the sea.
And for all you St Joan of Arc folks following along, we were able to locate a church “Our Lady of Lourdes” on the French side of the island. Say an extra prayer that Alexander’s first Mass is a good one!
We arrived in Guangzhou this evening after a mid-afternoon flight from Taiyuan. The airport was a little crazy, and our family was the subject of much staring. Alexander was a pro on the plane, laughing during takeoff and actually snoring during landing. We’ll see how he does on the long flight!
We’ll have a longer post tomorrow when we’re better rested. Good news though- it appears that Alexander has decided his father is an okay guy after all.
I was telling Brian that I still can’t believe that we were in Beijing a week ago, and now we are in Guangzhou with our son! These travels are the trip of a lifetime, but we can’t wait to get home to our family, friends, and felines.
Just a quick post from Taiyuan before we take our first flight together to Guangzhou….
He promptly attempted to eat this confidential message after transmission.
I’m typing this entry with a well-deserved birthday beer in my hand after a very, very trying day. Overall, my 32nd birthday was incredible– having a new son and being in a beautiful land and all. However, today is the day when parenting got real– and when all the adoption training came in handy– these people know what they’re saying! (little shout out to our social worker!)
Today, the main goal was to acquire our son’s Chinese passport and finalized Chinese adoption papers– success thanks to our representative Bill. As far as the Chinese government is concerned, we’ve got custody of this little guy from here on out. Now, our next hurdle is to present all of this material to the American consulate in Guangzhou in order for them to issue our man his immigration papers–which will take most of next week.
Because we had some extra time on our hands, our guide drove us to Jinci Temple, a beautiful old temple and grounds. A few photos follow below…
Warning- if we invite you over to meet Alexander, you might also be subjected to our home movies!
At Jinci Temple
This tree is more than 3200 years old– making it the third oldest tree in China.
Picturesque Jinci
Before mechanical clocks, towns used drum and bell towers along with water clocks. Most towns had both a drum tower and a bell tower–which announced the opening and closing of the city gates.
Architecture and artwork dating back to the Song dynasty
We spent the afternoon back in our room relaxing. After Brian and Bill left to get a few supplies, Alexander and I managed to get some quality bonding time. Although he’s doing incredibly well, he’s still terrified of new people, and even when Brian or I leave the room for an extended time, he’s somewhat frightened of us by the time we return. I guess you could call it a mixed blessing, but by the time the men returned from their short errand trip, Alexander had decided that I was his caregiver, and that Brian was clearly the devil. We were prepared over and over again by our agency and other adoptive families that this would occur. In the long term, this is a very good thing, because it shows that he’s beginning to form attachments and trust. In the short time, it can be really stressful for both the parent who can’t leave their child’s eyesight (lest they melt down) or for the parent who can’t do anything to make them happy either. One adoptive family told us by the time they reached Guangzhou, the father/husband couldn’t even push the stroller because the kid would flip out. While Alexander isn’t that bad, it’s very clear through his yowling that I’m the lady of the day.
We’ve been pushing through the afternoon and evening despite our little man’s protests, and thanks to our training, are still trying to instill that dad isn’t going anywhere anytime soon. Brian strapped the little man in the carrier and did a lot of carry-time along with the evening feedings and diaperings all the while enduring a boatload of crocodile tears and whining.
Brian working his charm on two very small cold shoulders.
Now, our little dragon is finally asleep– thank goodness! We’ve figured out a routine that seems to work (knock on wood), but we’ll see how long it lasts. For any of you adoptive parents reading this (you know who you are!), you’re well aware of how difficult handling sleeping can be with children used to institutionalized care. My heart breaks seeing just how terrified he is that we won’t be there in the morning and how traumatized he is when he wakes up in the night. This, by far, is the toughest undertaking we’ve ever had– but it’s also the most rewarding.
I’ll end this post on a lighthearted note– I was surprised by the staff at our hotel with a lovely birthday cake delivered to our room. Alexander was pitching a fit on the bed while I prepared his bottle (we have to do it out of his eyesight– as soon as he sees it, he goes NUTS. This kid clearly wasn’t being fed enough…) when our doorbell rang with the cake. I felt totally frazzled with kid yowling, bottle in the sink, and someone at the door.
Birthday greetings from the Shanxi Grand Hotel
For several years now, all I’ve ever wished for on my birthday is for the gift of motherhood. I thought to myself as I was juggling a kid in one arm and trying to converse poorly in Mandarin with the room attendant– “Hey, I finally got my wish!”
Today, we decided to jump into life as a family of three. After being holed up in our room all day yesterday following registration, we were more than ready to get some (not so fresh) air, and enjoy the day. We ran into the two other adoptive families at breakfast in the hotel this morning– one of them being the folks I had contacted prior to China, and the other family being a kind young couple from Holland who we met during placement. (It’s amazing how much of a bonding experience it can be when you watch someone meet their long-awaited child for the first time! The four of us sat nervously around in the waiting room on placement day practically jumping out of our seats every time the door opened.)
Although our guide was understandably concerned about taking Alexander out for the day given his feeding needs, we decided that we might as well just go for it. He was incredible during our first family roadtrip to Pingyao, a UNESCO world heritage site. I’ll let you check Wikipedia for the details, but the basics is that the architecture dates back more than 2,500 years and is still occupied by residents. The two of us switched off hauling Alexander in our carrier, and he did great.
View from the temple top– a scary, scary climb when you’ve got a kid strapped to your chest
Checking out the lobby of a local Pingyao hotel
Original architecture
Original wall of Pingyao
We aren’t conspicuous at all!
Beautiful old alleyways
Standing in front of the original bank of China. Yes, for all of China!
Another first we had today was our first “on the fly” changing experience. Believe it or not, in Pingyao, the bathrooms (public and private) aren’t exactly suited for diaper changing. Moreover, in Chinese culture, young children generally don’t wear diapers. The youngest often walk around without pants at all, and children of crawling/walking age wear split pants– yes, they’re exactly what they sound like. We wondered when we met Alexander whether he would arrive with split pants, but the welfare institute put him in diapers for the journey to us. Anyhow… we ended up changing Alexander in the middle of Pingyao on the side of a street with a bit of an audience (two Westerners with a Chinese child with a cleft in diapers… what!?!?!) Let’s just say it was memorable! Luckily, we had our little man almost completely covered up (poor hot thing), so all the local tourists cooed over our son instead of lecturing us in Mandarin in proper child-dressing etiquette.
One thing I was hoping to do was attempt a bit of haggling while shopping. After being given the green light with our guide that it was suitable in the shops we were near, I was successful in knocking down the price of a few items. Alexander was the perfect assistant by beginning to whine during negotiations– anything to get those people out of the store! Thanks, son!
The Kelly men after a long day
El Tigre after a long day in the carrier
All in all, today was a great first family outing. We’re taking every tiny victory- especially when they end with our son smiling!
Showers and manicures
This morning, we completed all of our registration and interviews for Alexander’s adoption into our family through the Shanxi provincial government in downtown Taiyuan. It’s a little comical that we’re here, because although he was found in Shanxi province, he was transferred to a foster home in Beijing and was there up until early yesterday morning. His caregiver and nurse both traveled from Beijing (where we just came from!) to Taiyuan to assist with the placement.
Because Alexander has a pretty severe cleft, eating is a major challenge for him. Up until about a month ago, the foster home used a naso-gastric tube for his feedings, but they were successful in transitioning him to a bottle before placement. Yesterday was a challenge, to say the least, in learning how to feed him and understanding our little man. Thanks to our agency representative and the Beijing nurse, we were all sitting around in our hotel room while we watched Alexander demonstrate how he likes to eat. Through trial and error, this morning, we came to the conclusion that he uses his pacifier as a tool to close his cleft lip in order to swallow. What initially seemed like a really stubborn boy who kept putting his pacifier in while we were trying to feed him was actually him trying to swallow after each sip. Once we learned his technique, we were in business. The foster home, nurses, and doctor all said that he was a fussy eater– but we’ve found out that he just has a very specific method. By the time we got back to Civil Affairs this morning, we had our routine down, and all the officials and staff seemed really relieved that we are starting to unravel the logic of this tiny boy.
Registration and interviews were uneventful. I fed Alexander (he needs to eat every 3 hours) while answering pretty hefty questions asked by the government official — why do you want to be this boy’s parent? Do you understand what you’re doing? Our answers were sufficient, and soon we were signing papers and sealing with our fingerprints. Little Alexander had to provide a footprint– which he was NOT thrilled about.
Now, we’re free to relax until our trip tomorrow to Pingyao. Unfortunately, Taiyuan isn’t the most tourist-friendly city, and the environmental conditions are very unpleasant. I’m sure you’ve read about pollution levels in Beijing, and Taiyuan makes Beijing look fantastic. Shanxi is known as the country’s supplier of coal– and Taiyuan’s appearance looks like Pittsburgh circa 1920. Yesterday after a big rain storm, on our way to meet Alexander, the sky was blue– everyone was standing around and pointing up; apparently they get about 2 weeks of blue sky a year! Today, sadly it was back to a cloudy grey– with the smog making most buildings hard to see from our hotel room window. We ventured out yesterday but realized pretty quickly that there’s very little way to tell what buildings are restaurants, which are pharmacies, and which are office buildings. The only buildings we can decipher are governmental ones, because they are massive and usually well-guarded. We see room service and talking quietly while our little man naps in our future!
Brian showing Alexander a family album
It wasn’t quite as much paperwork as a mortgage, but we understood it even less.
Alexander makes his mark, with his foot.
Our family with two officials from the Social Welfare Institute
The kid zonked once we got back in the car.
It’s finally here.
After more than a year’s worth of paperwork, several bottles of antacids, and a lot of sleepless nights, we’ve made it to the end– which will also be our new beginning. Most likely, Alexander is on a train from Yuncheng City with his caregivers this morning. We were assigned an afternoon placement, so that means that he’s probably en route today.
Believe it or not, there’s another family here from the US adopting from Taiyuan with the same placement day as us, but they have an earlier appointment. We ran into them on the street yesterday in front of the hotel– I’m sure it was comical to see a group of Western foreigners all gathered around and greeting each other by name. Surely, we must all know each other or be related because we are all from the US!
Back to Alexander! This morning after breakfast, Bill is taking us to the bank to exchange our welfare institution donation into RMB. If there’s time, we’ll hit Carrefour or another large department store for last-minute supplies and to load up our baby bag. This afternoon, we head to the Office of Civil Affairs where Alexander will be waiting. We’ll go through a brief interview with officials, and then we’ll take Alexander with us for what is called the “Harmonious Period”– a 24-hour “trial” period that ensures this is the right decision for us. Theoretically it makes sense, but in practice, it will most likely be the least harmonious time in our new family’s life.
For the first time since we’ve arrived in China, I will admit to feeling out of place. In Beijing, there are so many people that it seems as though everyone blends in. In Taiyuan, it’s a different world. We’ve seen maybe 10 Westerners, and pretty much no one speaks English. I’m very grateful to have Bill with us almost constantly, as he’s able to explain to very curious locals who we and what we’re doing– and this is BEFORE we’re carrying around a Chinese child! We were “warned” by our agency that we’ll be seen as unusual and objects of curiosity, but again, theory is different than practice. Staring is socially acceptable here, and it definitely makes you feel a little weird to walk around and have people stare and point at you.
My take-home lesson from this is that it’s important to be a good and gracious visitor. We might very well be the only foreigners that some of these Taiyuanese folks might ever encounter, and our behavior and actions should reflect that. I also wonder about Alexander’s birth parents. Even though we’ll very likely never know who or where they are or the loss they might continue to experience, we will always have a tie to this city as the place where our family began.
Today, we ask for your prayers of support and strength as we welcome the newest Kelly into our family.
We woke up yesterday morning to overcast skies and a much cooler temperature. We were quite grateful that our guide rearranged our schedule after looking at the weekend forecast to push most of the outdoor touring yesterday. I don’t even want to imagine walking the Great Wall in the rain…
at Tian’anmen Square
Armed with hotel umbrellas, we continued on our 2-day Beijing or bust tour. We started our touring at Tian’anmen Square, where guards were plentiful and the tourists even more so. We walked through the square past Chairman Mao’s mausoleum (which was open, a fairly rare thing) through the underground passageway to the Forbidden City.
For those of you unfamiliar with the Forbidden City, at one time it was the emperor’s private residence. To get to his residence, you’d pass through 9 very large gates. (Side note- the number 9 is very important in Chinese culture, especially to royalty.) One of the distinctive features of the Forbidden City is that the doorway to most gates in royal architecture is raised so that you have to lift your foot up and over each threshold. This was a way that those entering the gates were forced to show deference to the emperor by bowing slightly in order to not trip when stepping over the rise. They’re also a great way to trip tourists who are being herded through gates– hypothetically of course!
Outside the Forbidden City
One of the gates with raised threshold
Passing through gates to the Forbidden City
Today’s lunch was at one of Chen’s favorite childhood restaurants– a very small restaurant tucked away on an upper floor in a Beijing neighborhood. We had fantastic fresh pickled cucumbers, various bao (steamed buns), and dumpling soup. It’s been really educational to eat lunch with our guide and driver, as we’ve been able to share stories and learn a lot about each other’s culture. For example– in Beijing, the government pays students to attend college– and larger amounts if they leave their home province. It was comical to explain to them that most American students have college debts for years after graduating! I also reached a milestone today in experiencing my first non-Western restroom of the trip. I won’t get into details here, but I am glad that I got a little practice in before we are in-province tomorrow.
We visited a silk factory, complete with silk worms, which was very educational but also a little too touristy for our taste. We’ve both noticed that Chinese vendors are persistent– very, very persistent. It can be very difficult to firmly say that you don’t want to buy anything; we stayed strong and didn’t leave with any large, silk duvets.
Our final touring for the day was the Temple of Heaven, formerly the emperor’s temple and now a huge park mostly populated by retired locals and home to the iconic Temple of Good Harvest. Brian took some great footage of this– it’s very common to find strangers gathering together to sing folk songs spontaneously or others dancing with ribbons out in the open in this park. I’ll admit that it seemed a little unusual, but our guide said this is often where professional entertainers and dancers go after retiring so they can still show off their skills. As we moved closer to the Temple of Good Harvest, it was difficult at times because people would just start clumping and breaking out into song and blocking walkways.
At the Temple of Good Harvest
We capped our day by attending an acrobatics show. We were a bit skeptical at first, but it was incredible! Tonight, we actually stayed awake for dinner and found a great ramen restaurant. We had to resort to pointing and nodding quite a bit, but it was a good cap to Beijing. Today we fly out early in the morning from Beijing to Taiyuan in order to meet Alexander TOMORROW! It’s so hard to believe that we’ll be parents to a 15-month old in less than 48 hours. I’m a little nervous about our first Chinese domestic flight, but it’ll just be one more first to add to the record books for this adventure.
for Rachel and Jon- 8 girls, 3 bikes! Later, there were all 8 girls on 1 bike. Madness!
Waiting for the show to begin